!!AMRAK SDRAWKCAB,,backwards Karma!!

So I know I have just got started on this Blog, and I haven't written all that much yet.  Before I started I had all kinds of things I wanted to write, and put down, now, I cant seem to come up with alot, funny how that works.
 So after two week of not being here and two weekends away camping and floating I am writing.

So I started this on monday 25th, and have just been drained all week, now getting back to it, friday 29th, hope I can finish it here.

Its really funny how Karma play's with our lives, sometimes I just wish I could play along with it.

KARMA
–noun

1.

Hinduism, Buddhism . action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman. Compare bhakti ( def. 1 ) , jnana.

2.

Theosophy . the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.

3.

fate; destiny.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/karma


       So my life and Backwards Karma,

funny how every time I try and do the correct thing, somehow it comes back to slap me in the face for doing good, I mean I see alot of real DB's, "Douche Bags" in this world, that are constantly doing the wrong things, "using, abusing, cheating, stealing, sleeping around with multiple unknowing people", they continue to do this, and yet seem to always get rewarded for being totally self-centered.

Yet here I am, totally willing and able to help others out,

ex. 1.  I just loaned my trailer for a camp for cancer patients and their families while they are at camp to better get around, and have a more enjoyable camp this year, I spent the money to make sure it was all fixed up and ready for what ever they needed it for, I even delivered it to them so they didn't have to come get it, so I feel super great about this great cause.

ex. 2.  I am allowing an old friend to move in with me for a short time until she can get on her feet again, after leaving her abusive husband, losing her job when she left, going through some dependency issues and some self worth issues also.  I am opening up my home to someone that really needs it, so that she can work on getting better and figuring out where and what is best for her.

So here I am helping people out this past week, and this doesn't even include in the past months what I have done for people in their times of need, just this week, and yet I feel like I have been run over by a steam roller, I am totally willing and able to do this, and help out when I can, but why does it feel lately that I keep getting the short, pointy, spiked end of a stick that I don't wanna grab onto and others grab for everything they can get there hands on and never get hurt.

I know the feeling I get when I help someone out, it is an amazing thing that I can feel good entering my body, it is a thought that comes over me letting me know I am doing good for those that at certain times cant do it for themselves.  I know the feeling of taking advantage of someone and using them, I have been there and have gotten benefits from using people and things, I know it was wrong and I felt bad for it, but in some way I felt like I won something because I actually got a return on what I was feeling.  This helping I am doing, though I know it is good in the long run, and I am sure I will be rewarded in some way, in some life, but the feeling of helping out now, its faltering, I don't seem to be getting that rush of enjoyment that I usually get, the feeling of self gratification when you win out over something.

I know most of this doesn't even sound good in writing, it is all jumbled and doenst flow, but it is what is coming out of my head because I need to put it somewhere because I know it is getting the best of me.

I totally didnt expect the situation I opened myself up to, allowing someone to room with me to affect me in this way, I feel so drained, so down, and I am sure some of it has to do with her situations and what she is going through. But I am also sure maybe some of it is also because I havnt had anyone live with me on a day to day Other than a previous GF that was only a weekender when she didnt have her kids 3 yrs ago, it has been 5 yrs since someone lived with me, and I just didnt realize how much of a strain it would be on me. 

I enjoy helpnig others out, and I know it is work sometime, but I dont feel the reward that I was hoping to get from this, I need to find an outlet other than my meditation, music, and writing this to take the frustration away that I feel.  I just dont feel I am the one "WINNING" this round,

why does it feel like my Karma is all backwards and out of whack anymore, even when I do what is best I feel like I dont get rewarded, I know it may take time and might not show up until some other time, but I just wish I felt I was doing what is right now, and not like I am wasting an effort.

Here is to living the best way I know how, even when I dont feel I am getting what I want out of it, cause sometimes the best things happen when you have no idea where you are even going with them....

Today, I bend the truth to be kind; For I am more sure of what is kind, than I am of what is true.

Life's Journey, the Roads aren't always paved, sometimes you have to make your own!!..

So, I am writing this early, I am leaving in a few hours to go camping and floating down in Southern MO. on the black river on an annual camping/float trip.

I go with a great bunch of friends that make the journey of life just that more amazing. Sometimes I know I am blessed more than I ever realize, but to reflect where I came from some 4 yrs ago now on the 16th and where I have made it I sometimes cant believe this is my life, it amazes me to no end.

Some 4 yrs ago, I ended something that had been in my life for almost 9 yrs, My Marriage ended and though at that time I had no idea what it was I was really feeling, I can now look back at the place it has brought me today, and allowing myself to overcome and build upon what it was I lost, and what is has allowed me to do with my life and understand, I know I am such a lucky person.  I don't want to seam like it meant nothing, because it did, I had an amazing relationship for so long, it seems that time took its course and for some reason that road ended.

Life is always a Journey, whether you or on a smooth well built structured and safe path, or you are on a path that you cant even seem to be able to pass without major work and detours.  Sometimes the best blessings are those paths that lead to nowhere, the ones that make you struggle just to get to the other side of some place that you have no idea where they will lead.  The Darkness through the trees is sometimes the safest, slowest, and most rewarding path that can be taken, though we never can see that while we are taking them, I can at least look back and say, I did this, I found something great out of something that seamed so horrible at the time, and came out with something even better than where I was when I started the original path that I was on.  

I came out with a sense of who I was, no it wasn't all at the moment that I started over, it never is, it took me a long time to be able to sit here and say, thank you for the struggles I had to endure to make it to where I am now, and make me the person I am today, for if it was not for where I was then, I wouldn't be half the Man I am today, I got to grow, and make something even better than I could have imagined I could.  

I am more blessed every day for everything that I have ever been through, I enjoy the struggles that come along with learning, and getting to build my own path, I think it means so much more to be the one blazing the trail for yourself, than following someone on theirs, and just going with the flow, It hasn't always been easy, but if life was, what fun would that be, I enjoy the sometimes crazy UN-explainable path that comes along with a real journey that has, is and will be My Life, of unexpected and amazing paths, here is to all that cross mine, and see how B E A utiful I have made it, and hopefully wanna share in the experience along the way.

Here is to Letting Go, of what once was, and making the best of everything that comes along after....

POETRY SCHMOETRY BLOGFEST

http://writingwithshelly.blogspot.com/p/poetry-schmoetry-blogfest_15.html

http://writingwithshelly.blogspot.com/p/poetry-schmoetry-blogfest_15.html



"You never know"

You never know what you've got until its gone,

 what is right until it goes horribly wrong,

 if something is right around that next corner

if everything you have is really in order

If the steps you take

are really all you need, 

If wanting more 

isn't really all about greed

Taking the time to turn the Clock

moving on to what seems like a better spot

We remember the past like it was once our own

best thing to remember is how we've grown

how we have built that foundation

that we stand so strongly on

but even to realize all of that is gone

The best thing to remember are the memories we hold dear

cause sometimes,

Never Knowing,
is the only thing that is clear. 

LEARNING THE WAYS OF LIFE, NEW TO THE WAYS OF BLOG

Hello, everyone,

So my Name is Jared,

I am new to all this online blogging, other than the ones I follow and read, though I have written for myself for a long time, I have never published anything in the open, other than simple notes on FB and blogs on Myspace.  "Taking Chances is What Life is all About"

So here I am to write about things I see in my life, things I have dealt with, could be anything from love, to music, food, movies, politics "hiss" heartache, breakups, dating, the past, present, future, so to be serious, I may end up talking on or about anything that comes to mind, so be fore warned, I have a vivid imagination, I Have The World At My Fingertips, I can do anything I wanna do and I have no one to stop me from putting to word, the thoughts that just come out of my mouth.....

So for those of you that end up coming across my path, and reading what I write, I hope you enjoy what I have here, and even hopefully add your own knowledge and understanding to what I put down.  I am a firm believer that the best knowledge one gets is from other people that teach it to them, not just from books, but from what real life situations bring into our lives..

I hope you enjoy reading what ever it is I am gonna write, just as much as I enjoy writing it...