Sometimes Good Dreams are the Worst NightMares...

I have been having some interesting dreams lately, and it is something I can normally control, but as of late, they have just been coming on and having a run with my mind all on their own.

Dreams I cannot control as I can reality,

when something bad happens in real life, I can take action, walk away, fight for what I want, I have ultimate power over my feelings, my thought and my actions.

In Dreams lately, I am at the control of my mind, and where it wants to take me on the little movie in my head, Lately it seems I am in a Horror picture.  It all starts out as a wonderful moment, with people I care for or have cared for in the past, set in a good memorable moment or situation and for some reason it turns into something that is horrible for the people still in my life, or turns into heart ache for me from those that aren't in my life anymore.  I have to think about my dreams the next few days and try and forget them, but for some reason they have just been happening over and over night after night without me being able to manipulate them as I have been able to in the past. 

Everything I want in real life seems to be Haunting me lately, things from my past that I once enjoyed and cherished have been coming back into my mind and have been making me think about them, and the nice times we shared, and how I am alone and want those kinds of times back to enjoy them, but I know I wont ever get them back, no matter what I want, someone else doesn't want the same thing back from me,

So I wait, I wonder and I dream, I try and fight off the ideas that come at night and take my mind and use it against me, to push me into a place I cant and don't want to go, back, to something that I don't have and cant have.  I wanna move forward to what is next, what great things that come after I wake up and learn to fight down the thoughts and feelings that I had before, and build upon them to strengthen me and my mind, so some little dream cant take over who I am and what it is I am trying to do for myself.

I just need to remind myself, that THIS is exactly where I am supposed to be at this time, even though it isn't everything I hope for, one day everything I did in the past, all the things I walked away from, all the people that didn't find me good enough to be in their life and walked away from me, will help me get to the place I am really gonna love, and supposed to be, "THIS" will all be everything, one day...

I hate that you are still stuck in my head, and I don't know how to get you out of it, I am so blessed to have gotten to have and enjoy these thoughts I get now, but I wish I could let them go, so I didn't have to miss what once was while I am still alone, at least I get to build upon what I had, and make the next even more amazing, cause it wont be the best I can be, but I guess it is the best you will ever get......



I think I am gonna have to go back, and Find My Serenity Again.....